Top Tips for Moving to Scotland: A Survival Guide for the Soggy and Snack-Obsessed

Thinking of moving to Scotland? Excellent choice. Welcome to a land of misty glens, baffling weather and a food culture so obsessed with batter that folks’ll deep-fry a shoelace if left unattended. But before you swap sun-cream for a waterproof jacket and learn to say “aye” with conviction, here are a few essential tips to make your transition as painless as possible.

1. The Weather Will Find You

Let’s get the big one out the way: it rains. No, not in the “Oh, I’ll just pop up an umbrella, how quaint” sort of way. Think biblical. Think “Did I just see a guy building an ark out of wheelie bins?” The Scots don’t carry umbrellas so much as portable water features. But don’t be fooled—climate change has thrown us a curveball, so now we sometimes get sun. Not “Mediterranean heatwave” sun, more “I’m mildly uncomfortable and my cat has glued itself to the shade” sun. Still, keep your waterproofs handy. The moment you utter, “It’s quite nice out,” clouds will materialise and punish your optimism. Just ask Nell from Forever, Maybe (coming in September!)—she moved from England in the 1990s, expecting a change of scene, but got a crash course in Scottish weather instead. Spoiler: it involved a lot of soggy socks.

2. Embrace the Lingo (Even When You Have No Clue)

Here, “aye” means yes, “nae bother” means no problem, and “I’ll do it the morn” means never, unless guilt is involved. You may be alarmed to discover that “greeting” means crying, not a warm hello. And “wee” doesn’t just mean small—it’s a legal requirement for describing any child, animal, or snack. Expect to be called “pal,” “hen,” “pet,” or occasionally “ya dafty.” All are terms of endearment, especially if shouted across a street.

3. Deep-Fried Everything: It’s Not a Stereotype, It’s a Lifestyle

Ah, Scottish cuisine—the only place where you can get five-a-day if you count chips as a vegetable and Irn-Bru as a fruit. The deep-fried Mars Bar isn’t urban legend; it’s cultural heritage. We take pride in our ability to batter and deep-fry just about anything: pizza, haggis, onions, and, I suspect, any unfortunate foodstuff that stands still too long. But it’s not all homegrown. Scotland is a global citizen when it comes to cuisine. Indian, Chinese, Italian—if it can be deep-fried, it’s embraced as one of our own. Sushi? Give us time. We’re working on it.

4. Small Talk is Weather Talk

If you ever find yourself stuck for conversation, just look up. Commenting on the weather is not small talk here—it’s national sport, therapy, and social glue rolled into one. Within a week, you’ll be moaning about “dreich” mornings, celebrating “taps aff” afternoons (shirts off, for the brave/foolish), and offering opinions on the correct type of rain (What’s the smirry stuff and what gets you drookit.)

5. Never Underestimate the Power of the Pub

Rain or shine, the pub is your friend. It’s where you’ll decipher the accent, learn which football team to (pretend to) support, and where you’ll finally understand the differences between being “steamin’” (drunk) and “baltic” (freezing). Both can happen in the same evening.

So, bring a brolly, loosen your arteries and get ready to greet the land where every cloud has a silver (deep-fried) lining. And if you want to read about heroines who braved the move north—soggy socks and all—check out Forever, Maybe (out in September, excerpt here) and Highland Heart. Welcome to Scotland—aye, you’ll love it!